My mom was in the hospital, where Cam was born, recovering from her second hip surgery. I went to visit, bringing coffee and snacks. We chatted for a while and then she had to go to physical therapy.
When I had Cameron, I stayed in my room the whole time, never venturing past the threshold of my privacy curtain. So, after I left my mom’s room I wanted to go see the nursery floor. I pressed the button to the sixth floor and I was surprised at my emotions. I felt a longing for being back, secluded from the world with only my husband and my son by my side.
I walked out of the elevator doors and followed the signs to the nursery. I peaked in windows, expecting to see a bunch of tiny infants, wrapped in their white blankets, sleeping in rows. But there were no babies in there. They must have all been with their mommas. It was kind of disappointing – like the magic was gone. And then I saw one small newborn being wheeled through the nursery. He was so tiny.
Was Cameron that small eight weeks ago?
Everyone tells you to cherish every moment because it goes by fast. Too fast. That is so easy to say in hindsight but in the wee hours of the morning, I caught myself saying things like, “It will be easier when he sleeps through the night.”
When he pees on me, when I am not fast enough changing his diaper, I think, “It will be so much better when he is potty trained.”
When he is screaming for no apparent reason, I think, “I can’t wait until he can just tell me what he wants.”
We have these moments on a daily basis but I try to alter my way of thinking. I know our midnight dates will be gone too soon. I know that capturing his undivided attention on the changing table will turn to squirmy battles and I know that sometimes he cries just because he wants his momma.
I know those moments are fleeting.
So for now, I will embrace each late night feeding, kiss each tear away and hold my baby boy while he still wants to be held.
*The photos in this post were taken by Jen Priester of Jen Preister Photography. She is incredibly talented and has as much love and kindness for newborns as their mothers. She was patient and knew how to soothe Cam when he got cranky. If you are in the Detroit area and are looking for a photographer. She is the best. I am now, more than ever, so grateful that she was able to capture the smallness, the newness and sleepiness in his newborn photos.